9 Out of 10 Brexiteers Think Murder Was Result of Islamic Caliphate


In a week where horrifically engaging, yet factually inept politics came to a head with the terrible and upsetting death of a much loved MP, one poll suggests that most supporters of Brexit still believe that her death was the result of immigrants who were trying to establish the next Islamic Caliphate in the UK. One pollster, in Bewdley, near Kidderminster, asked who he thought was responsible to one member of the public.


“Well, when I saw the headline, that she had been shot and all, that was all I needed to know really” the resident said.

“I didn’t need to read much more. We’ve all seen the news, haven’t we? The countries full and we’re shipping in tonnes of these immigrants from Syria and Morrocco and Wadiya or wherever”


When the man was pressed to clarify his statements about the role the immigrants had played in her death, he responded with:


“If I’m honest, I’d have to say my first thoughts were of Samir, running the local under 9’s. I’ve seen him with his wife and kids, teaching new skills, trying to make a difference to the local community, but underneath it, there’s not something quite right about him” the man continued.


“It all made sense, when I asked him who he’d support in the Euros, and instead of saying England, he said Turkey, ‘cos he’s got family there. I called the police and reported the training, which happens every Thursday night down the rec. We’ve got to take England back”


The polling had been taken place to find out if negative politics had finally pierced the public conscience in the most awful way possible, resulting in people believing misleading pictures instead of hard facts, following the despicable death of Jo Cox in her own constituency, by the accused, Thomas Mair. As reported yesterday, Mair gave his name as “Death to traitors, freedom for Britain” in a nod to far right beliefs that Britain should remain a country for people of white origin and only white origin, despite several parties declaring there was no political motivation behind the attack.


The question on the poll had stated:


‘Do you think a rise in propaganda and fear mongering has swung people’s minds in the direction of more extreme politics and thus more extreme methods to deal with ‘Taking Back Our Country’ in the case of Thomas Mair and Jo Cox?’


It has been said by many experts that the nature of certain political parties to invoke memories of Nazi propaganda and portray immigrants as a mass horde has seen many people believe it on a merely literal level without the insight or knowledge to check facts. UKIP’s poster on a cluster of immigrants marching to the border has seen a rise in ill feeling for many far right sympathisers and it has clouded the judgement of the average voter who no longer can tell fact from fiction. In an attack on Turkey, claiming that because England is so wonderful, green and has amazing Kebab shops, all the Turkish people are suddenly going to emigrate to our wonderful country, just like their failed predictions of all the Polish, Bulgarians and Romanians boarding Easyjet planes and doing the same when they joined.


The poll attempted to discuss the fact that to meet the 28 conditions of joining the EU, Turkey has of yet only met one criterion, and that Turkey has been trying since 1987 to join. When the pollster asked one woman’s opinion on this in the village of Dronfield, near Sheffield, she had the following to say.


“I see it as a compliment that they want to come here and I always enjoy a chicken lahmacun on a Friday night” she said. “But in reality, can’t we just import them at a greater cost by leaving the EU and not have the smell of chilli and garlic sauce down the High Street every day? Don’t even get me started on their dress sense” she continued.


As the referendum approaches it is yet to be seen what further tactics will be employed by certain parties in the UK and how they can convince people before the deadline to vote for their side and how low the politics has to go to get the message across.

Meanwhile a supporter for the group Britain First had the following to say as it was reported Thomas Mair shouted ‘Britain First, put Britain First’ before the attack.


“At the moment, we do not know how we’ve become associated with this kind of behaviour and statement made by the accused, and we’re not the only people saying it. I’ve heard UKIP say it and Nigel Farage has said it. Everyone has said it. As far as we’re concerned this person should be strung up by the neck. That’s how Britain First see justice”


As political parties elsewhere give their opinion on the concept of toxic politics, the trial of Thomas Mair continues.

* It should be noted that in this article the polling sections are completely satirical to highlight the absurdity of the Leave Campaign and those following that campaign. 


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