In a week when Boris Johnson announced that the exit strategy would come in to affect some time in the early months of 2017, tea drinkers have doffed their caps and started a Change.org petition in support. The petition, started by Alan Golding of Northampton, stated.
“We’re hoping that the UK can reform itself in to an interactive floating glass museum of what life was like in the golden years of the British Empire during the 1800s, when everyone drank tea and there wasn’t a rainbow coloured flag or any turmeric in sight. We’re positive Boris would get on board with this idea and it’d be great to restore a bit of national pride… and restore tea to it’s rightful God-given place at the top”
Coming at a time when the news of a 21-foot wall will be erected at the border of the Channel Tunnel, Golding welcomed the decision to build such a great brick wall.
“It’ll be fantastic. We’ve drawn up plans to bring back British East India Company soldiers to stand and protect the border from freeloaders and queue jumpers hoping to get a sight of the Queen for free”
Prices for admission in to the new British Empire Museum have yet to be discussed but one man facing the ‘Jungle’ campsite on a Calais street with a Union Jack umbrella had the following to say.
“If I had to put a price on a realistic journey back in time to an era of impoverished masses and tea drinking haughty types, I suppose a tenner would suffice”
As a result of the Brexit result sales of coffee have spiked as younger generations seek to become more continental and move away from the more traditional brews of PG Tips and Yorkshire Tea, but plans, say officials, to bring up the draw bridge and close the borders should restore the once idolised national leafy icon. One source, who the Daily Rail spoke to, explained.
“The wall should keep out any hint of aromatic beverage from our city centres and this, we think, will prove to be the catalyst of a new dawn of British tea drinkers at home and abroad. Those who wish to come and see the native population enjoying their cuppas are able to buy their entrance tickets at the new booth just outside the wall, which will have a fantastic design based on the old Beefsteak Club located on Irving Street, London. They’ll be stringent checks on any drinks coming in to the country and we really believe that nothing darker than a shade of Earl Grey will make it past security. We certainly think we’ve taken back control now”
When pressed if women would be able to buy tickets in the same building if they weren’t permitted to enter, the source said:
“Calais has lovely weather most of the year and it wouldn’t take but a second for them to wait outside whilst a gentleman bought them tickets, would it? Who said chivalry was dead? Long live the new British Empire Museum!